I’ve been wanting to plug in book reviews for a very long time. I thought for a long time what book I wanted to do. There are many books I would love to review. I especially love reading really, really bad books and writing reviews for them. These have previously been seen only by myself.
So, what was the worst book I had ever read?
In execution, dialogue, character study and plausibility, the absolute, worst book I have ever read has been the Bible.
Now, before there is some kind of outrage from the no one that reads this blog, let me tell you a little about myself.
I was raised as an evangelical Christian. “Non-denominational” is what we called ourselves, but evangelical is what we were. I went on to be a part of an organization called Youth With A Mission after high school, whose motto is, “To go out and make God known,” part of a verse from the book of Matthew and apparently one of the things Jesus told us to do. Doesn’t get much more evangelical than that.
To spread the Good News, one must first know the Good News. And this means reading the Bible. I read the Bible for the first time, from beginning to end, when I was 16. I had read almost the entirety of the Bible before, just not from page 1 to page however-many-pages-there-are-the-current-edition-I-am-reading-is-a-Kindle-sorry-so-sorry. I continued to read whole books of the Bible in one sitting but this will be the first time since I was 16 that I will attempt page 1 to the end of this ginormous, super boring, let’s face it, book.
Even when I was a Christian, I struggled with Bible reading. This book could not be more boring, yo. And not because it lacks action. No. It’s not that easy.
There’s all kinds of crazy shit in the Bible. Sex, scandal, political intrigue, talking animals, planet-wide calamities, and that’s before you stop reading Genesis. Excellent. There’s also incest, domestic abuse, including child abuse, genocide, commands from God to kill children, and loads of other, super unsavory stuff. So you would think it would be interesting right? Well, you’re wrong.
The thing about the Bible is, it was written, even the beginning parts, in a very, very different time. Story telling itself, was different. Since you couldn’t just pop in the DVD of Charlton Heston being Moses, you had to actually remember the story of Moses if you wanted to talk about it later, or think about it while you’re only living for 30 years. So the stories get told over and over again. Instead of taking out the old edition and putting in a new edition on reprint, they would just leave the old edition in there so there’s loads of repetition. There’s also a whole fucking book of the Bible where God says how much shit costs. This is important to redemption, apparently.
However, I think there’s a lot of room for humor. Looking back on my Christian days, I remember a lot of times where I would sit with friends making Bible puns and laughing our heads off about Biblical turns of phrase. (Because so much was forbidden to us, much like the people in the Bible, we didn’t have a bunch to do, so don’t judge me, okay?)
I’d very much like to start a review of the Bible. And so tomorrow, I will post a post that will be the start of #BadBookWednesday.
I will not be forgetting #FitnessFriday. It might shock you to learn that I am not the most disciplined person. (Check out the archives!) I still have to lose some weight, so I’ll be posting about that on Fridays. I’d like to say I’ll post more but I think a twice a week commitmet is pretty ballsy for someone as lazy as myself, so let’s just work from there.
I’m really looking forward to hearing other people’s thoughts, so don’t be shy about commenting!