So yeah…my life sort of went down the toilet hole for a bit there. I actually heard the flush. It was bad. There was a person in my life (who is, unfortunately, still in my life in a pretty big way. I’m not saying he’s the father of my child, but let’s just say if my daughter bought a gift for this person in June, it would be a tie…you get my drift?) who was making my life unbelievably lame to live. My life and my daughter’s life. There was scariness, intrigue, but mostly just a lot of anger and tears. I’m okay, and my daughter is okay, and thank the good lord of the dance the rest of my family is okay, but it was pretty dicey for a while there. And public. And in a small town. I really, really don’t like this person and what they’ve done, and I was actually surprised at how far this person was willing to go.
It gave me time to reflect on the way people react to the misfortune of others. I am not about to talk about how none of us should gossip. We all do it, and honestly, there’s nothing inherently wrong with gossiping. I gossip with my mom and one friend who doesn’t live in this town anymore all the time. Why? Because I know it’s not going any further than those two. The friend doesn’t really care what happens here anymore and my mom and I have established that anything I tell her stays in the cone of silence and vice versa. I don’t mind that people are telling this dumb story about me and my family to everyone they know. I expect it. What I don’t expect is for people who don’t even know me to come up to me in the store and offer moral support, or for acquaintances to say they’re here for me if I need to talk.
It makes me feel like this:
But of course I can’t say that, because then I would hurt their feelings and alienate them and I don’t want to do that. Either they’re genuinely concerned for me, which is sweet, or they want to see me squirm and the second kind of people aren’t worth the breath it takes to think of them. However misguided the first people are, they are trying to help in their own way.
I really felt an anger that was beyond anger about the whole thing. The incident itself, how it affected myself and my family and the way people were treating us after.
Then things got a little better. There was a weekend, and some time to spend with my family in which we began to repair and revive. It was exhausting. Afterward, on Monday, when I had to go back into work and pretend I was still a human of this planet and not some off-the-wall alien creature (because surely this sort of feeling and thing does not happen to humans), I felt like this:
And then I felt like this:
I’m joking, that’s just my favorite doge meme and I wanted to share it.
I’m not saying that you shouldn’t comfort people who are having a hard time. I’m certainly not saying you should never, ever gossip. I’m only saying that if it’s common knowledge someone is having a rough go of it, wait until they open up to you. Otherwise, the kindest, most valuable thing you can give them is your silence, and, hopefully, your listening ears.
And I’m also saying that I’m back. I apologize that it took so long for me to update.
I was really hoping to do a weekly thing here, but I was also hoping to be honest. And, if I’m being honest, I’m a working single mom and once a week might be a lot. But it’s what I’m going to strive for.
The next post will be about my fitness, I promise. Until then, thanks for reading, and I look forward to the next post (because I lost some weight!).